Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Did I show you my penis last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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