Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
