Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
