just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
