I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's blow job season.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
