her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
