She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
you never un-have a 4some
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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