are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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