Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
