you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize