I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize