I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
