i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Its about making memories worth repressing
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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