I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
if you like me you must not know who I am
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
