mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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