i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
