some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
