went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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