Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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