Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Randomize
