I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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