Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
