My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
