Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize