what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
