She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Randomize
