I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Success! We fucked roommates!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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