Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
