New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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