What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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