he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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