Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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