Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
