I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
