I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
