I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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