the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
