my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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