There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
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