OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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