I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize