oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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