i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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