I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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