The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
