After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
