WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
whose parrot is this?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
