Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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