Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize