Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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