Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
