she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
