I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
then he tried to convert me to islam
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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