capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
