Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
