and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize