My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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