so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
