it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
