if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
