I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize