Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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