So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
