she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize