He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
