dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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