The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Randomize
