the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
