Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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