i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
