I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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