I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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