I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
