I love black thongs
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
its not stalking. its research.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
