he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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