Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
