Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
