Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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