He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
