I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
