I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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