is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
