Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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