I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
