don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
