And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
