Duck Duck Cougar?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dick very happy bro
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
