Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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