I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
