watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
