girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
