the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
