we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
