Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
