Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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