My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
