Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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