ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
