I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
