So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
