Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
