Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
