I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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