Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
