He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize