I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
