We won't sleep together?
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
