I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
