Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
